


You Ruin Me

by youstupidplonk



Category: Ashes to Ashes (UK TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, F/M, Heartbreak, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, chris skelton - Freeform, operation rose, shaz granger - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:14:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29401797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youstupidplonk/pseuds/youstupidplonk
Summary: Play me like a symphony, play me ‘till your fingers bleed. I’m your greatest masterpiece, you ruin me.Set after episode seven of series two (so major spoilers for that), Shaz and Chris's perspective on the events that occur.Slight canon divergence
Relationships: Shaz Granger/Chris Skelton
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	1. Play me like a symphony

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, I hope you are all well. 
> 
> I've been rewatching series two a lot recently, which inspired this fic. I couldn't shake the idea of the emotional impact Operation Rose would have on Shaz and Chris's relationship so wanted to write something that explored it. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> (Title and chapter titles from "You Ruin Me" by The Veronicas)

Shaz bit down on her thumb as she leaned against the sink in Luigi’s. It wasn’t real, it _couldn’t_ be real. This was the kind of thing that happened to anonymous women in news articles. Women whose husbands had been tempted by easy money for entirely selfish reasons. Husbands who only cared about themselves and didn’t spare a first thought, never mind a second one for the trail of devastation left in their wake. It didn’t happen to men like Chris, he wasn’t like the rest of them. He loved her. At least, that’s what he’d been telling her for the last two years.

She didn’t know how to feel. One part of her brain desperately wanted nothing more than to support Chris. Tell her that she loved him no matter what. Always had done, probably always would. But at the same time...he’d lied to her, for months, years even maybe. It all just felt so wrong. 

She knew Chris wouldn’t have done it to hurt her, she couldn’t stop the part of her brain that screamed _how could you do this to me?!_. She knew she probably hadn’t been a perfect girlfriend, far from it. But at the same time, she had at least tried to make sure that Chris knew she loved him and that no matter what he could talk to her about whatever, whenever. 

Maybe it just hadn’t been enough. Maybe she hadn’t been enough. 

Splitting up with him had been an instinctive response. Her fight or flight being kicked into overdrive. Chris’s confession had felt like a punch to the gut, the fight draining out of her. Leaving her with the only option. To run. Now she felt guilty thinking she could have worked something out if she had stayed like she would have promised on their wedding day. 

No one else in CID blamed her, or if they did they didn’t say. Alex had actually taken her aside and explicitly told her that if taking a step back from Chris was what she needed to do, then it was what she needed to do and no one would blame her for that. It didn’t stop the guilt twisting her mind and her heart. Banning her from feeling any other emotion about what had passed between them. Guilt but also doubt. She couldn’t be certain that she had done the right thing. Nor could she be certain that she wanted to let Chris go. It felt like she was just flushing the last two years away, and the future they could maybe have had. They had both silently been planning a future together, they’d talk about future plans together, what would happen if they ever left the force. Quite often she’d have an idea of something she could do with her future and would excitedly tell Chris, who would smile and say something supportive. Thinking about the future they could’ve had hurt, it hurt a lot. She also doubted whether her colleagues were actually alright with what she’d done. She couldn’t shake the cold blame she felt passing through her whenever any of the others spoke to her, and as a result, had given pretty much everyone around her the cold shoulder. 

She’d lost it all now.


	2. I'm your greatest masterpiece, you ruin me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two sides to every story...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, I hope you are well. 
> 
> Please enjoy the second chapter of this fic, following Chris!

Chris walked the streets of London, not really paying attention to where he was or where he was going. He lit cigarettes and watched them burn out. Much like his relationship with Shaz, at the start, it had been so calming, warming something that quietened his mind, but now thinking about her made it feel like his lungs were, what did DI Drake say? FIlling with tar, and he couldn’t breathe anymore. 

He started to wonder if maybe they had rushed things. They’d only known each other a few weeks before they first went out for drinks together, albeit as friends but Chris had loved her from the start. He just didn’t want to scare her off by being too keen. They had spent several months dancing around each other, flirting lightly but both too scared to dive straight in. 

Then she’d been stabbed. 

In the minutes that had passed between her collapsing and DI Drake reviving her Chris felt his world crumble around him. Faced with the realisation that he could lose her, he felt something solidify in his chest. Nothing was certain in life, he’d learned that much when Sam had died after what had started as a more than normal day, but his mum had always said that no matter what life threw at you if you had the right person standing by your side you would survive it. As he’s tried to keep her conscious while they waited for the ambulance, he had realised Shaz was the right person for him. The person he wanted standing by his side for the rest of his life. 

He’d wanted to show her how much she’d meant to him. How serious he was about standing by her side, for better or for worse. He just cursed that at the time he’d been poorer rather than ricer, but he didn’t want that to stop him. SO hed done what he thought anyone would do. 

That’s where it had all gone wrong. 

He felt guilty about being asked to lose Kevin Hales’s file, but he’d forced himself to remember that it was for Shaz, It was all for Shaz. Deep down he knew that that wasn’t a good enough justification, but he was scared that if he hadn’t complied, he would have been reported and lost the respect of his colleagues and the love of his life. 

He didn;t think he would ever forget the way the guilty twisted his stomach as the reality of how he’d paid for the ring, and all the betrayal that had followed had registered with Shaz. Her overwhelmed shock had been written all over her face. Te carefree smile she usually wore when they were together replaced by trembling lips and swimming eyes. She hadn’t spoken to him at first, for a few days. She hadn’t needed to. Chis could guess everything she wanted to tell him. _You’re not who I thought you were. I can’t marry someone who kept such a huge secret from me_. 

When she had approached him earlier that day to formally end things, it had felt more like a formality. A check that they were both on the same page, even though for all intents and purposes their relationship had ended when he had been outed as the traitor. 

Bringing the almost burnt-out cigarette up to his mouth Chris allowed himself to take some deep breaths. He’d made his mistakes and he knew he’d have to live with them, although they were mistakes he would never have made had it not been for the girl with the wide smile and the sparkling blue eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this fic, please leave any thoughts in the comments xx
> 
> I'm also now on Tumblr if there's anyone else who uses Tumblr (my URL is the same as my Ao3 name) xx

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, there will be at least one more chapter following Chris. 
> 
> As always please leave any thoughts in the comments :)


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